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venerdì 7 settembre 2012

Walking the dog

So. I'm walking the dog. 7th September. Dusk. 30 degrees, maybe.
My hair looks like crap. My eyes are black with makeup from last night. My t-shirt looks like it's been chewed by some kind of animal. Maddening headache.
I'm thinking. Maybe all the times I've been in so much pain (sentimentally speaking) was because I haven't been keeping in mind the most important thing anyone could teach you about relationships: be honest with yourself, and before you throw some 100 pounds ball (say, saying "I love you") in someone's way, be damn sure they can handle it.
Because if they can't, you are setting yourself up for disaster.
Well, maybe not.
Maybe if you are honest with yourself you can throw the said ball in their way in order to get rid of those 100 pounds of feelings, to set yourself free, to move on. But be sure to do whatever it is you are planning to do only for yourself in the first place. And then, you can think about his/her reaction and his/her feelings. When it comes to a choice, always do what's best for you, and be sure to remember that this, and only this, is what should lead you anywhere.
I think my dog agrees with me. She always does what's best for her, in terms of when/where to sleep or play or eat. She has decent priorities. I have fucked up priorities. Ironically, I need to learn from her how to really take care and look out for myself, placing myself before everything else.
This is definitely something I am not used to.

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